My Journey to Spirituality
Journey to spirituality is not always the easiest. It has taken me 34 years to be where I am today and I am still learning each and every day. I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. I struggle with my ego, my meditation, and even certain books on a daily basis. My main goal is to continue trying to reach that level of higher consciousness towards enlightenment which, in return, will ultimately allow me to help others reach that level as well. I want to share with you my experiences as a child with religion, through all my confusion and trying to make sense of things that lead to finding my own spirituality as an adult.
I was born in Astoria, Queens NY to non-religious parents. Both my parents are believed to be baptized Mormon along with my grandparents. I had an uncle who was a devout Jehovah’s Witness. Although my parents and grandparents were Mormon, they never went to church and most likely didn’t know what the Mormon Church stood for. This is something that is commonly seen in today’s society where a child is baptized, then confirmed, and yet still grows up without a clue about their own religion. My parents never baptized me and religion wasn’t an important factor in my home. My uncle however, being the devout Jehovah’s Witness that he was, gave my Mother a children’s bible story book that she would read to me every night. I would look forward to those stories; asking her to repeat my favorite ones over and over again. This was the only exposure I had to religion until I got a little older when my uncle had me attend bible study where I quickly found out that Jehovah’s Witness’ never celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas or even birthdays. It obviously didn’t sit well with me as a child but the idea grew on me as I got older; people shouldn’t have ONE day to give thanks or to receive and give gifts. These sacred holidays have turned to be very materialistic with lost meaning.
Eventually, my uncle wanted me to join and become part of the Jehovah’s Witness. I was about 9 at the time and was not ready to make this serious commitment to it after I noticed how quickly they cast out people for making mistakes or not following “the rules”. For example, if you were to get a divorce, you no longer can be a part of the church. From a young age I realized that although I’m not one for rules, I was still a good person and felt deeply in my heart that I didn’t have to be part of any religion to prove my loyalty to God. My relationship with God was within me and that was good enough for me. I still, however, continued to look into different places of worship in hopes of finding something that felt right to my soul.
When I was about 14 years old, I had a friend Julie who came from a Catholic family. I went to church with her on some Sundays and remember feeling intimidated by it since the vibe just didn’t feel warm to me. Standing to sitting down back to standing was hard for me to do as a child. Seeing Jesus in a cross with bloodied hands also scared me quite a bit. It was like a big reminder that Jesus died for your sins and every Sunday you will be reminded of it. Simply put, the Roman Catholic Church was not for me either. Not necessarily because of the scary and cold church, but because of the message that everything is considered a sin including, but not limited to, premarital sex, masturbation, improper thoughts, and being gay. I felt like if I sneezed, I would go to hell. It was pretty scary for a hormonal teen girl who was masturbating on a daily basis (LOL).
When I was 17 I had a boyfriend who would attend a Christian church. I went with him a few times and it was a totally different vibe. People were singing their hearts out and clapping and dancing and we would all stand up and share stories; stories of illnesses, drug abuse, people who hit rock bottom but then found the Lord. I loved it because It felt real to me. It was a happy place with raw emotion. I didn’t feel judged, I felt accepted and loved and I was able to be myself. The hours were long, running about 3 hours, but it was okay because I was highly entertained and moved with the Pastor’s message of the day and with the people’s stories. Everyone would bring food and after the service we would all eat and talk. I totally saw myself here. It felt closer to home than the first 2 I had mentioned. Although I loved this church I didn’t commit to it because later my boyfriend and I split. I gave religion a break and a few years later I had my first experience with spirituality.
Around the age 22 a coworker of mine lent me a book called “Adventures of a Psychic” by Sylvia Browne. This book changed my life. It touched on subjects of life on the other side, reincarnation, spirit guides, a non-judgmental God, a God that loves all of us through the good and bad. The thing about the other religions I mentioned and just mainstream religion in general is that it made me fear God, it made me fear death. I would literally sit at home and cry knowing that one day I was going to die and was just so terrified. Reading this book helped me see a beautiful side to life and death. Whatever we don’t get right in this lifetime we will have another chance when we incarnate. Whether you’re gay, straight, Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Hindu we are all loved the same. We are all part of the Source. We should all strive to be better of course, but we can do so in without all the segregation. This book taught me that no matter what our differences are we should still respect one another. I ended up reading some of her other books and a year later I had my very first psychic reading with Sylvia’s son Christopher. I was amazed at the accuracy of the reading and I became a believer. Not that I wasn’t a believer before, but this reading opened to my eyes to broader realm of reality. I’ve always been open-minded and spirituality was so easy to embrace because it felt natural to me. I started writing to God as often as I could. Sometimes I would write about nothing, just wanting to converse with God. Sometimes I would ask for help or just to give thanks. I notice that with writing God changes started to happen in my life. Things I would ask for I would get. Writing became a fast way for my prayers to get answered. I was happy with my relationship with God. I felt loved and accepted and watched over. I felt safe and at peace for the first time.
Over the years I’ve taken steps back from spirituality only to get nudged by my guides to continue to become more knowledgeable with who I am. I’ve had some other great readings as well that helped put me on track. In one reading I was told that I was an Indigo. Finding out that I was an Indigo really put things in perspective for me. “Indigo Children” is the name given to a very special group of beings who have chosen to incarnate on our planet with a specific mission and purpose. Indigo’s have come to shift the consciousness of humanity. We are the system busters of society. Reading books on Indigo’s led me to other books.
I became interested in learning about star children and Pleiadian Emissaries of Light. Star soul groups is a broad subject to get into but for someone who connects with the stars, moon, sun and the universe and who’s feels like there’s more to life than just incarnating on earth I would advise you to read “The Pleiadian Perspective on Human Evolution” by Amorah Quan Yin. This is the most recent book that I’ve read and it’s helped me further my spiritual growth.
My journey is still ongoing. I’m still learning every day. That’s the beauty of life; the learning never stops. I have high hopes for all of us in finding unity in diversity. Although we come from different backgrounds, different beliefs we still come from the source; we are all brothers and sisters. I advise people to ask questions, speak to your guides, write to God, read books, meditate, enjoy nature, spend some time alone, and figure out who you are inside instead of focusing on your outer shell. Inside of yourself is where you will find your spirituality. It’s there, in all of us. 🙂 Good luck on your path to spirituality.
Love and Light,